tl;dr: A profanity-laden guide to self-teaching botany, emphasizing that beginners shouldn't be intimidated by Latin terminology or taxonomy—both of which exist because common names are unreliable and modern classification reflects evolutionary relationships, letting you identify unfamiliar plants by family traits. The author recommends Michael Simpson's "Plant Systematics" and "Raven's Biology of Plants" as core texts, along with a long list of supplementary books, and suggests using Libgen/Sci-Hub on a cheap tablet if cost is prohibitive.